A few years ago we had the opportunity to to take a long vacation, and we decided to look for the funniest place to go.  We found a resort in Jamaica called "Hedonism" that was considered to be the wildest, funniest resort in the Caribbean.  We had no idea what to expect, but we ended up having a really great time.  We wrote the story below after we got back.  It was posted on a website that helps travelers determine what resorts would be best for them.  Enjoy!

We were in Hedonism III from July 21 to the 27th.  Before I go into the awesome details, I want to say up front that it was the best vacation I have ever experienced.  We were not sure what to expect from Jamaica or from an all inclusive club, but we chose Hedonism III because we liked the idea of the casual party atmosphere, no wallets, and wild times!  Hedonism III delivered. 

None of us had ever flown Air Jamaica, and we were leery of a long, overnight flight on airline from a small Caribbean island.   We shouldn’t have worried -- Air Jamaica was great. The flight was on time, the staff and service were excellent, and the landing was smooth.  We arrived very early in the morning, so passage through customs seemed tedious after such a long flight.  But we were met immediately after clearing immigration by an Apple Vacations rep who greeted us by name and told us where to stand to wait for the bus to the resort.

While we were waiting, our group was approached numerous times by people offering to sell us pot.  Unfortunately one of the Americans on our bus wanted to get an early start on the vacation and took up on one of the offers.  Despite what you may have heard, this is illegal in Jamaica, and our bus driver had seen everything.  He had a heated and hard-to-understand exchange with the guy, with the end result being that the American had to leave the pot in the bushes.  But our driver remained extremely friendly and upbeat, and the drive out to the resort was fun and informative.  We learned much about the history of the island, including the story of the "White Witch" who murdered her lovers until she met a similar fate.  Our driver’s most passionate remarks were reserved for when we passed through the hometown of "the Great International Superstar Bob Marley."  It was the first of many references to the Jamaican legend that we would encounter throughout our trip.

The bus had several couples going to other Superclubs resorts, and since we were on the same flights, we ran into these couples on the way back to the airport at the end of the week.  This enabled us to compare notes on the resorts -- more on that later.

We arrived at Hedo III very early in the morning, so our rooms were not ready. We left our bags with the bellmen and headed to the dining hall for breakfast.  As we ate, we became kinda concerned that the Hedo III scene wouldn’t be all it was cracked up to be.  The guests who were milling around were not the young, sexy, party-type people we had hoped for, and the resort seemed eerily quiet.  But we should have known better -- it was only 7:30 in the morning, and most of the guests we would be partying with had just gone to bed!  They started coming out to the pool around noon, just at the time we first ran into Debbie, Dee and Romeo, part of Hedo III’s cool entertainment staff.  Before we knew what was happening, they had us participating in the Beach Olympics.  Our two teams were named "The Wet Clits" and "The Sexual Chocolates."  We started loosening up by racing kayaks, passing volleyballs between our legs, and playing our first pool volleyball game of the vacation.  We met some of the other guests, and by mid-afternoon our rooms were ready.

The rooms were great -- clean, modern and spacious, with marble bathrooms and large, sunken jacuzzi tubs.  Each room had more mirrors than you could know what to do with, including large mirrors on the ceiling over the beds and the tub.  The air conditioning was controlled with a wireless remote control, and the rooms remained cool & cozy the whole time we were there.  Also, each shower/tub combo had a large bay window over it.  It was intimidating at first, but after a long, hot day by the nude pool, it was obvious that many people enjoyed a shower in full view of their fellow guests. 

That afternoon we made our first visit to the nude area.  About two thirds of the resort is considered "prude", and bathing suits are required, at least until midnight.  We noticed that although most of the guests never got up the courage to get naked and remain in the nude area, almost all of them seemed to "casually stroll by" the nude side a few times just to check it out.  That was my friend’s first intention too -- the only problem was that he encountered the wild nude-area cocktail waitress Nola.  She picked up on his hesitation right away, and like the rest of the staff at Hedo III, playfully insisted that he have a little fun.  She suggested that he remove his clothing while she waited.  Then she told him to take a seat on a chaise lounge by the pool and she would bring him whatever drink he wanted.  It was the first of many drinks, and the first of many relaxing days by the nude pool.

As many other trip reports have mentioned, the guests in the nude area were definitely way cooler and more fun than the guests on the prude side.  There just is something about nudity that seems to break down people’s social barriers.  One of the reasons the nude area is so relaxing is the lack of concern over people’s physical appearance.  It was crowded, and there were people of all ages, shapes and sizes.  There were a lot of extremely attractive singles and couples, but a good many people also had less than perfect bodies.  The cool thing is that no matter what you looked like, you really got the feeling you were among friends.  The pool, being beside the bar and constantly attended by the entertainment staff, was usually very lively.  The nude beach and nearby boardwalk/pier was way more sedate, and most guests in these areas were content to lie quietly in the sun, either on a chaise lounge or floating on one of the many rafts provided by the resort.  The water was awesome, clear and warm for the entire trip.  The resort cleared the two beaches of the coral and spiny sea urchins that blanket the area, but you had to be careful venturing outside of these beach areas.  We snorkeled around to the outside of the rock barriers surrounding the nude beach, and the sea floor was covered with urchins, anemones, and coral.  All of them looked extremely painful to touch, and stepping on one would probably ruin a vacation.

The nude side was awesome, but don’t think the prude side was not fun -- in fact, the largest organized events usually occurred at the main stage in the dining hall.  Throughout the day there were events such as wet tee shirt contests (these got pretty wild), sexy shorts contests, baby oil wrestling, games of truth or dare, and constant volleyball.  On the nude side things were raunchier – there was a Miss Nude Hedonism competition and a pussy shaving exhibition.  The staff did an amazing job keeping everything lighthearted and fun no matter how crazy things got.  They never pushed anyone into something he or she wasn’t comfortable with. 

So here’s how the typical evening went:  the resort would empty out around 4:00 pm as everyone went back to their room to shower, rest, or whatever.  People started rolling out around 8:00, and most people went to dinner in the dining hall.  Each night at the main stage the entertainment started with some sort of competition or game, and usually ended with some type of musical performance.  The action then moved to the disco, which opened each night at 11:00, though things didn’t get going ‘til after midnight.  Every night there was a different theme.  The best were the pajama party and the masquerade.  The dress was varied -- some people wore cool costumes (Rob and Heather from Virginia stole the show at the Masquerade) and others wore shorts and tee shirts.  Costumes really helped make the scene.  If you can, you should bring some wild Halloween-type costume for the masquerade ball, some cool boxers for the pajama party, and some bell-bottoms for the 70s night.  Some nights the disco never seemed to get going.  We never went to the piano bar, but it always seemed to be packed at night, with a slightly older crowd than the disco.

The best part of the disco was the water slide.  Even though the slide operated throughout the day, it was really only fun late at night, drunk, and naked.  As each night progressed, a line would grow longer and a crowd would form as the prudes lost their inhibitions and actually experienced what Hedonism was all about.  A staff member usually waited at the bottom to hand out towels, though most people jogged back up the steps for another go at it.  People were laughing and having a great time.  It was awesome!

The other hot spot at night was the nude hot tub.  We didn’t hang out there, but it seemed like most of the truly hedonistic stories originated there.  Yes -- late at night there was sex on the nude beach, and open sex in the hot tub.  Very late at night these activities seemed to spread outward from the nude area, and could be seen pretty much anywhere.  Our room faced the prude quad pool, and it was fun just to watch the wild things that would happen after 2:00am.  One couple pulled their bed out onto the pool deck, and  my (very drunk) friend recognized them from earlier in the day, didn’t seem to realize or care what was going on, and sat and talked with them for a while.  They seemed not to mind, and were back to enjoying themselves pretty quickly.  My friend didn’t remember any of it the next day.  He was surprised when the girl approached him warmly, gave him a hug, and talked about how sad she was to be leaving that day.  She gave him some left over pot (he later threw it away), kissed him goodbye, and left him pretty confused.  When I told him what he had done the night before, he was both embarrassed and relieved that he didn’t do anything worse.

We didn’t go to Hedonism for the food, but it was fine.  I would compare the dining hall food to a standard Las Vegas buffet.  There was a lot of variety and it was all decent, but there wasn’t anything particularly memorable except for the fresh fruit.  The service, however, was exceptional – we never waited for a drink, and plates were cleared as soon as we finished them.

The three restaurants offered a step up in quality.  The Italian and Japanese restaurants were both good – comparable to standard restaurants in any large city.  The Jamaican restaurant was outside overlooking the ocean, and it offered more casual fare.  It was great for a quick burger and fries, or a good bowl of conch soup.  We didn’t go hungry, but our Hedonism memories are definitely not food-related.

The bar service was outstanding.  The bartenders quickly mixed up any drink you wanted, and offered suggestions if you weren’t sure.  Dirty Bananas were the drink of the week for us, along with Hummingbirds and Yellowbirds. 

We had heard that Hedo III offered free scuba diving, so all of us got certified before we left the U.S.  The dive operation was very well run, but very strictly managed.  They had a large dive boat and shop right on the main beach, and offered dives every day at 9:00 and 11:00 am.  I had left my certification card at home, and they required me to get it FedExed to Jamaica before I could dive any of the deep water or night dives.  If you are not certified, you can take a one hour introductory class, and they will let you dive the shallow dives (up to 40 feet in depth.)  This is quite a bargain – without certification or any of your own equipment you could dive every day if you wanted to, all without paying anything extra.  The diving was good, and the water was clear and warm.  We dove a shipwreck and saw lots of fish and coral during the day, and some beautiful lobster, eels, and stingrays at night.  In addition to the scuba, the resort also offered kayaks, sunfish sailboats, and windsurfing equipment.

 We had no desire to leave the resort for any day trips until one couple (Nelson & Marily) came back from Dunn’s River Falls raving about how cool it was.  We decided to check out the falls and do some souvenir shopping in the Ocho Rios craft market.  The Apple Vacations rep got a car and driver for us for $25 a head, and we were off.  We needed to stop at the bank to get cash, and that was a little too time consuming.  You don’t need any cash if you plan to stay on the resort, but if you want to do any shopping you should bring cash with you rather than wasting time in the bank.  The craft market was full of lots of people all selling the same basic mix of wood carvings, tee shirts and paintings.  We stocked up, then headed to the falls.

Dunn’s River Falls consisted of a long chain of fresh water cascades streaming over beautiful rock formations and ending in some dramatic spills into the blue Caribbean.  The falls are set in a lushly landscaped park, full of dark green, tropical vegetation and towering banyon trees.  We spent several hours hiking through the falls, swimming in the little pools, and exploring the park.  It was definitely worth the day trip, but we couldn’t wait to get back to the resort for some more fun.

Here are some things we wished we had known ahead of time.  The Jamaican sun is hot!  Get as pre-tanned as you can before you get there so you won’t have to worry as much about sunblock.  You’ll want to bring some cool clothes for the disco and maybe the restaurants, but otherwise lots of T-shirts and your swimsuit are all you need.  The resort has plenty of towels.  If you stay on the property, your only need for cash will be the gift shop, the souvenir vendors, and the special entertainers (fortune tellers, tarot card readers etc.)  Also, they charge $45 for the night scuba dives.  Both American and Jamaican dollars seem to be accepted everywhere without a problem.

On the bus ride back to the airport, we ran into couples that had stayed at other resorts.  All the Hedo folks were tanned, relaxed and still smiling from ear to ear, but some of the people from the other resorts didn’t have as good a time.  One couple that stayed at Breezes said that the rooms were old and musty, the food was repetitive, and the atmosphere rather boring.  When we told them what a great time we had at Hedo, they were pretty jealous.  Another couple that had stayed at Grand Lido Braco said it was pretty stuffy – it didn’t sound like they enjoyed themselves very much

In general I would summarize the atmosphere at Hedo III as energized and fun, but definitely not overwhelming. Think fraternity party for adults.  If you are thinking of going but worried that the resort might be too wild, ask yourself:  does it make you happy to see people having a lot of fun?  Do you enjoy music, meeting new, friendly people, and partying until the wee hours of the morning? If you answered yes to all of these, then I guarantee you will have a good time at Hedonism.